My husband, Matt, and I got married in 2008 and started trying to conceive (TTC) in March of 2010. We tried for six months but had to stop so I could take some medication. A few months later we started trying again when I was off the medication and now has added to a total of 14 cycles. Not the longest, I have seen many other women who have gone through longer or harder stories than mine. However, I need to express myself and my crazy feelings and emotions as we head towards "infertility". Up to this point we have done nothing but track cycles and 'do the deed' to get pregnant.
Today I had an appointment with a specialist on Endometriosis. My last doctor, who shall no be named, (let's call her Dr. I'm Better Than You or Dr. IBTY for short)told me that the only things she could do to help me with my pain was birth control, which clearly defeated the purpose of TTC, or prescription pain pills. Not satisfied with either answer I searched and found a wonderful doctor who will be called Dr. Wonderful.
He sat with me and explained my options and what he thought was going on with my body, even talking about my ability (or lack therefore) to get pregnant in great detail, wanted to solve my problem of constant pain I am in. Until I told him I didn't want to do IUI (artificial insemination) or really any fertility until we had been trying for two years, after all, we were young, myself being 23 and my husband 26. He told me because of my age, he usually tells couples that after one year of actively TTC and not getting pregnant is considered infertile. It shocked me. He was kind about it and told me, as I agreed that a surgery to clear all the Endometriosis would be best, that it may or may not help me get pregnant and I should fully considered the possibility that I will need assistance.
I knew it was a possibility, in the back of your mind, but you don't really consider it until you have to. And today I had to. Another option other than the surgery was to skip to IUI for a few cycles and see if I got pregnant and try to avoid a surgery. I had to actually stop and follow through with the plan my husband and I came up with if this ever came up in real life. We had talked about me getting a surgery if there was any chance to help the pain (and a not so secret hope that I am on of the lucky ladies that get pregnant after said surgery), this way if it took a long time with fertility treatments I would at least been in some sort of comfort.
So, yeah, today was a little hard, but good. I am excited for the surgery although it hasn't been set yet. I have the hope that it will be the answer we need but I'm not sure. I'm a bit afraid to go through treatments because of multiples and the risks involved. But I'm trying to stay focused on the positive, but I don't have the energy to deal with "under-lying emotions" Tonight. Besides, real emotions are over appreciated, it's much better to stuff everything into a tight, dark place and ignore it. (Disclaimer: I actually don't do this and I don't recommend anyone else does it. I'm just using sarcasm to channel deeper emotions. It works.)
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