Like, it was my plan when we got married. I didn't go back to school so we could focus on my husband's job and schooling. Now that he is done, we wanted to start our family. And have been trying for over a year. I was a nanny off and on, but mostly a stay at home wife because we were dealing with my fibro and trying to learn how to deal with it. I never thought I would be anything else but a mommy. We both knew we wanted me to stay at home.
But now it is a real possibility that I won't get pregnant, at least for a long time. It could take years or we may have to adopt or just deal with the bitter fact that I don't get to be a mommy. So what do I do with my life.
I don't want to be a nanny anymore. Raising someone else's children while I can't have my own seems cruel to myself. I don't have any job experience other than nannying. Plus, it is impossible to get a job right in this economy (trust me, I tried. I will give it a few more months). So, I sit at home, cleaning and paying bills. Doing the chores and being a wife. I love it. But in this time and society I feel a lot of judgement for it. Especially from my friends and family. I've had a few ask me what I do with myself and why I don't do anything.
I'm just lost. What do I do? Anyone else in the position? I feel like I'm alone in this. We just took advantage of the idea that we would get pregnant and have this happy little family. I wanted to be barefoot and pregnant stuck in the kitchen (I know, I know, the feminist in you all is SCREAMING!) and the baby making machine for the most wonderful husband ever. He's always wanted kids and is so great with them. I feel like a failure since we found out that he most likely doesn't have anything wrong with him, and it is all on me.
Excuse me while I have myself a cry....
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